Written by Morbid Optimist | 05 August 2009

Why Do You Still Wear Clothes?

This article is for all the people who, when asked why they did [whatever dumbass thing they did], say that they "don't care what other people think."

You're all idiots and should set yourselves on fire. Please.

Here are a list of hypothetical questions for those that "don't care," "don't give a fuck," etc (especially the repeat offenders):

1. Why do you still wear clothes?

2. Why cut your hair?

3. Why not shave your balls, sprinkle the hairs in your boss' coffee, then T-bag him?

4. How about steal a car and joyride it into the side of Bank of America?

5. Do you just like the taste of toothpaste? How about the feel of dental floss?

6. Why do you have friends (if any at all)?

7. Why purchase instead of stealing when you know there is no camera around?

8. Why even spend more than $10 on an article of clothing?

9. Have you ever muttered the words "please," "thank you," or "you're welcome?"

10. Do you have a significant other?

You get the point.

Being around people when they say that makes my skin crawl. That's one of the worst cool boosting phrases out there. It's right up there with "I like all music but country" and "she couldn't walk right for a week."

This is what "not giving a fuck" truly looks like:

Once you get to that stellar level of not caring, I will personally laugh my ass off at you for realizing the full potential of your true idiocy. Now hurry up and get back to work.