Written by Morbid Optimist | 27 July 2010

"I fought for your freedom of speech":
This phrase is just hidden code for "I don't have the mental capacity to counter your intellect, so I'm going to bring up the point that I was involved in the killing of people to possibly bully you away from your point of view." It is also another way of telling a non-vet that they are entitled to their own opinion while strongly implying that any opinion that opposes their own is wrong. The problem here lies in the fact that the majority of veterans that use this type of argumentation are bigoted right wing idiots that have not quite yet figured out how to think for themselves, much less form an idea that is deeper than 'brown people bad.'

Some people say, "But Morbid, everyone IS entitled to their own opinion!" Well, listen here you fictional people that talk to me, some opinions ARE wrong. Take pedophiles and rapists for example, their opinion of sexual encounters is wrong, and I would say that even though they are entitled to such an opinion, that doesn't change the fact that most of us would castrate these perverts with a dull pencil if we had the chance. No, I'm not comparing vets to pedophiles; I'm just saying their opinions are convoluted and heavily modified due to years of being under the shitty end of a coffee drinking irritable bowel syndrome patient.

The idea that veterans are entitled to more in life because they served their country:
Veterans already have access to ridiculous amounts of benefits due to the fact that they served, but it seems like that is never enough. I've heard vets try to argue for head-of-the-line privileges because of their status. This type of thinking is what makes the general populace tune out veterans quicker than the startup time of a finely tuned Linux machine. VA medical, VA loans, education funding for vets and their dependents... The list goes on and on, but veterans are greedy for shit they feel they deserve when in reality, all they did was just hold on to a job that is nearly impossible to get fired from. Show me a vet who deserves extra benefits and I'll show you a man whose life was destroyed by losing multiple limbs in a war that he probably didn't agree with.

"You can sleep peacefully at night because a veteran fought for you":
No, not really. I actually have a hard time sleeping at night knowing that millions of people around the world want me dead due solely for the fact that, since I am from the United States, I'm linked to the actions those veterans who fought for me. Thanks, vets, I really appreciate it. Also, thanks for the millions of innocent people killed, that's something you should bring up the next time you're trying to prove your point that the U.S. is the best country ever.

Using veteran status in arguments that aren't valid:
Here is a list of conversations that your veteran status should not be mentioned during:

• Illegal Immigration
• Drugs
• Video Game Realism
• Taxes
• Education
• Politics
• World events
• What to have for dinner tonight
• Anything else that doesn't specifically involve veterans

Here's a new rule of thumb for you, let people find out you're a veteran from somebody else, it will make you look like a better person. By trying to throw around the fact that you're a veteran during an arbitrary conversation, you immediately place yourself in a light of ignorance and zealotry.

"I was in the Vietnam War/Gulf War/War on Terrorism and...":
By opening an argument with the above phrase, veterans are immediately telling you that at some point in their life they 1. were too stupid or lazy to succumb to the pressures of finding a job and 2. they can't, or don't know how to, make decisions for themselves. Most of the time, the statement following this phrase will include racism and infant-like malformed world ideas. I understand that there were people who were drafted to fight for our country, but those that were drafted have just proven that they don't have very good situational awareness and couldn't get out of tough spot. "But Morbid, what about guys that were cornered in war and survived using wit and battle skillz?!" Well, I do that kind of stuff every day while playing Team Fortress 2, sometimes you get out of a situation, sometimes you don't.

I would say 85% of surviving an encounter such as that is luck. Yes, I just compared real life war to Team Fortress 2. Yes, I understand the situations are slightly different. I still stand by my entitled opinion, which is right, because I'm a veteran.