Shitty Stuff I Like
05 August 2009
I'm getting a little burned out on writing about stuff that bugs the crap out of me, so, today, I'm going to tell you about stuff that I love. Stuff that I love that will possibly ruin my reputation as some geek who hates on things to some geek who just writes out of boredom.
First, Nintendo Shirts:
I'm 24 years old and I play a lot of video games. Lately I've been focusing my attention on Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (sick ass game/series), but I miss the days of two button controllers and 2D awesomeness. As much as I hate Hot Topic, I still go in there to see if they have any new Nintendo T-Shirts. As of now, I have a collection of about 40 of them and my favorites are the older ones that have the mushrooms or goombas on them.
These T-Shirts are, by far, the best T-shirts on the market. Fuck Hilfigger, CK, Ralph Lauren, etc. I want to wear something that really shows who I am.
The only downside to wearing video game T-Shirts is that people always want to tell me how badass my T-Shirts are. If I didn't think they were awesome why would I buy them?
Second, Gaia Online:
Gaia online is a website out of Los Angeles that banks on the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of little anime freaks and manga fanatics. You start off with a basic little avatar and compete in games or just browse the site to earn gold to upgrade your little fellow.
I love this site, not because of the avatar creation or game playing, but because all the people on there are fucking brutal to each other. In one particular aspect of the site you can submit your avatar in a weekly competition to pretty much see if you have the coolest avatar (avi to the community) out there. If you just stroll through the comments, some of them are hilarious or just downright hurtful (and I'm totally down with seeing someone who put a shit-ton of time into something get shot down).
Ahh, anonymous bashing, gotta love it.
Third, Chuck Norris Jokes:
It seems everyone now-a-days loves to hate Chuck Norris jokes. Well, stop it. Chuck Norris jokes are fucking awesome.
1. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
5. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
6. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
7. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
8. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
9. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
10. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
11. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
If that didn't make you even smile, go kill yourself. You're not a human being.
Enough said. Hamsters are the coolest animals alive. Even cooler than an angry wolverine fighting off a wolf (click here to see that).
Fifth, World of Warcraft:
Probably the nerdiest of the things that I like, I really enjoy playing this game. This is one of the most challenging games I have come across (only on PVP servers), it feels so good killing a Gnome that attacks me first. I like the sense of freedom given to me and, when I had a bad day at work, it's nice to go into a battleground and tear some fools down.
The graphics suck.
The sound sucks.
The music is okay.
The control is so-so.
Running through Karazhan after 12 shots of Jager and with real life friends on the other side of the screen at 1 a.m. is just good old fashioned fun.
Anyhoo, if any of you guys play, I'm on the Smolderthorn server, horde side. My name is Klismo, hit me up if you see me on.
This is by far the worst article I've written. I'm just tired of getting emails from people who think I hate everything. Stop being so damn bigotous from reading five things I've written about.
Peace out hot dawgs.