Written by Cynical Sister | 22 June 2010

I consider myself to be someone who is fairly health conscious. I attempt to work out from time to time, no longer drink copious amounts of liquor unless I’m playing video games, and will attempt to eat my fruit and veggies just because I know I should. But every time I go to the grocery store, I am bombarded with the signs for organic products and a tinge of guilt crawls into me.

The health nuts prance around in their workout clothes, sipping their soy chaco-moca-latte frappe fat free coffee sensation and load up their carts with the overly expensive organic foods outwardly boasting how they are saving the environment and picking the healthiest items for their perfect bodies. They glare at me while I order my coffee black as midnight and plop conventional farming produce into my cart for my lovely children who are munching on candy to keep them from screaming. Oh, the insanity. How dare I purchase milk from hormone fed cows! I must be crazy.

I was raised on whole milk, Dr. Pepper, red meat, Cheetos, cookies and Kool-Aid with sugar. Was this bad? Were my parents setting me up to have liver failure, cancer and diabetes before I hit 40?

I was forced to reflect and ponder, is organic the better way?

Well, you tree-hugging, pesticide-free, anti-fertilizer nature humpers, guess what? I did the literature research and you guys are WRONG! If you dig into the scientific literature, not organiclovetriangle.com and all the hippy propaganda, you will see that there is actually no sound scientific evidence to back up the claim that organic is healthier. Even in the best literature reviews, the results are consistent: there is no significant difference. And any scientist who is worth a damn can only say that, “more tests need to be done.” If they say otherwise, their opinion is being bought.

A recent study came out this year to support that organic farms actually produce a yield of 55% less than conventional farms! Sure, biodiversity was higher by 12%, but I can guarantee you biodiversity never fed the poor. In order to use organic farming to feed the world, you can kiss the forests that we all love goodbye. Because using organic methods requires a lot of land and some weird techniques. Don’t be fooled. They use pesticides, they are just synthesized by plants. Oh, and their pesticides are dangerous to cold blooded animals. Hope you don’t like fish or lizards! They aren’t important to ecosystem, are they? Not only that, some of the most dangerous chemicals known to man are produced by plants. These organic farms also use other insects to fight off pests. Really smart until that insect population grows out of control and now you have an invasive species throwing the ecosystem off balance. But hey, it’s ORGANIC!

Sure, pesticides are used on my produce, but according to the EPA, the levels I get are safe for consumption. I’m going to assume that the miniscule amounts of chemicals entering my precious temple are equipping me with the common sense to sniff out the bull shit of a rather clever marketing campaign. Organic is better? HA! You keep on spending more money for food that is identical to mine. Someone has to be the sucka and it ain’t gonna be me. I’ll buy my genetically modified, fertilizer enhanced, glowing carrots and I’ll enjoy every last one of them.