High Fashion Sucks
03 September 2012
There isn’t anything quite as repulsive as some clothing designers attempt at what they consider to be “high fashion.” The only thing that I can think of that grates me as much as these infantile attempts at art is people who say, “I don’t give a fuck,” at every opportunity of yet continue to wear name brand clothes.
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Building Assets and Wealth with Little to no Collateral
09 April 2012
People often ask me, “Morbid, if you were going to invest, what do you think would be the best option for someone with little income or collateral?”
I look them dead in the eyes and tell them, “Have children.” If this seems like an odd idea to you, you are surely one of those intellectual-elitist-liberal-treehugger types who feel that people are humans and not objects. “Waah, they have feelings. Waah, they can think and breathe and love,” that’s what you sound like. Well, you’re an idiot and I’m here to tell you that your misguided views are not only unwarranted but fallacious when you look at the best method of wealth-building humanly possible:
Make babies. Lots of them.Add a comment
6 Good Reasons to Continue Smoking
24 September 2011
Everywhere we turn, we are constantly being bombarded with a terribly biased opinion. From commercials to the packs of cigarettes themselves, we are being told that smoking is a plethora of horrendous and life-ceasing compound adjectives. Due to this artificial and unfounded public outcry against smoking, I present to you the truth on why you should keep smoking.Add a comment
Your the Man
13 August 2010
“Right, kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothin', but, ah... it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know, like, you know what I mean, like...”And so goes one of my favorite quotes on one of my favorite movies in cinematic history. Idiocracy. Add a comment
Fat Ass, Stop Ch-eating
29 July 2010
I am not mean, usually. I do not hate a certain ethnicity or type of person. If anything, I hate everyone equally. But there is one thing that is truly starting to chap my hide and that is the fats. Now, before everyone tries to get all bitter and bent out of shape, allow me to explain my definition of a “fat.”Add a comment
Modern Art... WTF?
12 July 2010
I can appreciate art. I recognize the importance of line, color, shape, shadow, and texture. I know that art is supposed to illicit ideas, emotions and convey a message. I have gone to many great museums to witness the works of Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Rembrandt, Dali, etc. And without a doubt, I find myself in awe, breathless. Add a comment
The American Camping Association Ruined Dating
05 July 2010
I don’t understand online dating. I have been trying it for the past couple of weeks and don’t really understand the idea behind emailing someone fifteen times prior to speaking to them in person. I know this isn’t exactly a new rant, but has all the distrust come to this? I blame all of my anger on the American Camping Association. These are the people in charge of regulating summer camps. This is an important task as many camps are run by semi-trained monkeys. Add a comment
Organic Food is for Suckers
22 June 2010
I consider myself to be someone who is fairly health conscious. I attempt to work out from time to time, no longer drink copious amounts of liquor unless I’m playing video games, and will attempt to eat my fruit and veggies just because I know I should. But every time I go to the grocery store, I am bombarded with the signs for organic products and a tinge of guilt crawls into me. Add a comment
Chuck Norris doesn't read American history; He tells American history what REALLY happened.
15 June 2010
DISCLAIMER: Chuck Norris; please do not kill me, I have been forced to write this article at gun-point by the Vietcong for your depiction of them in the movie, "Missing in Action". I trust you will know where to find them.
Your Child Should Not Be Killing Me
03 April 2010
Deep within an arctic naval base, gunfire can be heard scattered around the landscape. Men are waging war, people losing lives without a second thought from the muzzle of an enemy's assault rifle. Grenades explode while helicopters hover above and wipe out hoards of what we consider "bad guys." Silenced weapons are used to rip through someone's back while snipers sit quietly perched atop the roof of a small administrative building. The ambitious meet their fate when a trip mine shreds them; the patient end up having their throat slit by a maniac who would rather cover the battlefield with a knife than follow a safe tactic. Add a comment