Nuns file for annulment from Christ
19 March 2010
Tired of Receiving Jesus only by oral means, thousands of nuns filed for annulment this Thursday.
Speaking on behalf of their plight was sister Dottie Hayes: "A woman has certain needs and urges that are meant to be dealt with within the context of a marriage; Christ has failed in satiating those needs and urges."
In the past, speaking critically of being married to christ could have been deemed heretical. But this past weekend, a group of unnamed nuns began speaking out in what would become a wave of revolution throughout the convent community.
In addition to not meeting physical urges, an area nun spoke of the severe poverty that being married to the son of God placed her in. "Look at my poor economic state, I'm forced to wear these rags! -Jesus is a derilect husband."
Later, we sat down with Christ to get his take on this recent development: "Dude, have you seen some of those women? No way dude; no way am I gonna hit that. ...Was I even present at these weddings? I don't even remember marrying all those chicks, I think someone roofied me."