Replace "Fuck You" with "Thank You" and Carry On
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14 May 2013
Cognitive dissonance is hilarious. We've all been there – facing evidence so seemingly true that our entire worldview is proven wrong and we stutter and drool for a few minutes before offering up a righteous "FUCK YOU" right in the face of the liberal/atheist/progressive/physisist/agnostic/philosophic/mathematician (pick one, they're all evil). However, instead of resorting to cursing like that, we should be saying thank you for the chance at feeling what they must feel every moment of their lives: Cognitive dissonance.
How to Get 1 Million Page Views on Google Adsense
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27 December 2012
For those of you who are fans of Morbid Optimism's Facebook page, you know that we hit the 1,000,000 page views mark today. Realizing there are others who would also like to reach this significant milestone, I'd like to share my secrets to financial freedom, international acclaim and generating traffic.
How to Gain Weight and Keep it On
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25 September 2012
Are you sick of looking in the mirror and realizing that you are just too thin? Like most people out there, you are probably fed up with being healthy and are looking to gain weight. Well, look no further because the following tips will help ensure that you gain anywhere from 20 to 30 pounds in no time at all.
Starving Children in Africa? Not Our Problem
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12 August 2011
Commercials, news reports and our hyper liberal friends all tell us that the kids in Somalia need assistance, immediately. That is ridiculous. Why should we go out of our way to spend $5 on some kids who, obviously, don't deserve our money?
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Public Domain Books
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02 September 2010
Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
The Time Machine - H.G. Wells
As I find more books legitimately within the public domain, I will expand this list.
Also, if you think of any public domain books that you would like to see added to this list, just post them in the comments.
Add a commentStale Veteran Phrases and Ideology
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27 July 2010
"I fought for your freedom of speech":
This phrase is just hidden code for "I don't have the mental capacity to counter your intellect, so I'm going to bring up the point that I was involved in the killing of people to possibly bully you away from your point of view." It is also another way of telling a non-vet that they are entitled to their own opinion while strongly implying that any opinion that opposes their own is wrong. The problem here lies in the fact that the majority of veterans that use this type of argumentation are bigoted right wing idiots that have not quite yet figured out how to think for themselves, much less form an idea that is deeper than 'brown people bad.'
Amazing Advertising Campaigns
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08 July 2010
1800LoanMart has acquired, quite possibly, the most brilliant spokesperson in advertising history: Hulk Hogan. By having Hogan screaming loan advice at his Hulkamaniacs, 1800LoanMart has targeted a tough to reach niche market, Hulkamaniacs. By zeroing on wrestling fans, the loan financing company has isolated and piqued the interest of approximately 97% of those in need of high interest, immediate, loans.
The commercial follows: Add a comment
No Bucks, No Bags
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28 June 2010
Lately, I've been bombarded by advertisements for high tech gadgetry, luxury automobiles and name brand clothing. Justin Timberlake and Peyton Manning think I should purchase a Sony 3D HDTV for $3059.99 (although, if you're really in the market, Mitsubishi is releasing one soon that's 60" for $999.99). Lexus has a car that has pure silver dust polished into the interior wood panels. Nike seems to think that $70 is a reasonable price for a Landon Donovan US Soccer jersey. Add a comment
Good Parenting
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25 June 2010
Many of you may have seen this video Tosh.0; however, I feel that this woman is an amazing parent. Oh, yeah, she might be having her kids make it rain while she dances sensually (for them...?). Add a comment