Written by Morbid Optimist | 03 October 2012

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why Jeff Dunham continues to get Comedy Central specials. There is no allure to his act. No wit. No charm. No comedy. I have put some serious thought into why I have to see his face on my television every time I’m trying to watch something that’s actually humorous, and the only logical conclusion I can come up with is that he has a firm grip on two very specific demographics: the uneducated and racists.

Okay, that might actually be one solid demographic if I just say racists, but there can’t be enough bigots left in the United States to support such a terrible comedian... Can there? An angry Arab, a slow Mexican, a stupid purple one, a redneck, and one clever puppet. Guess which one that is. Yup, the white one that wears a button-up shirt. I suspect the redneck is there as a weak cover for Dunham to point at and say, "Look, I'm not a racist, I make fun of everyone!" Here's the problem, though, the two Caucasian puppets are still the only puppets actually presented as human beings. Enough said.

As the old saying goes, show me a person who doesn’t think Jeff Dunham is racist and I’ll show you a closeted, xenophobic piece of shit.

The biggest proof of his inability to perform comedy is the brief moments that he attempts standup before he pulls out his puppets. It’s pure garbage; hack schlock that amateur comedians who will never make it out of the living room of a family reunion type shit. Seriously, mother-in-law and airport jokes? You can’t get any worse than that.

Oh wait, yes you can. You can pull out some puppets derived from the imagination of the beaten step-son of a Tea Party member. His latest addition to the lineup of idiotic dolls? A redneck vampire.

Hilarious. Cue the laugh track, please.

I’ve spent years hoping his routine would fall as flat with the rest of the world as it has with me, but apparently people are going to continue feeding his ego. Please, If you’re not a fan of Jeff Dunham, don’t let his “comedy” grace your television at any point. Starve him of your ratings just like you did for his awful television program that he had for about seventeen minutes.

However, if you are a fan of Jeff Dunham... Please reconsider the path that your life has taken you on and deliver yourself into the arms of whatever creator you believe in. I assume you believe in a creator because anyone who is stupid enough to think Jeff Dunham is funny (he isn’t) must also be stupid enough to be religious.

I’ve said my piece. Now get him the fuck off my television.