Fat Ass, Stop Ch-eating
29 July 2010
I am not mean, usually. I do not hate a certain ethnicity or type of person. If anything, I hate everyone equally. But there is one thing that is truly starting to chap my hide and that is the fats. Now, before everyone tries to get all bitter and bent out of shape, allow me to explain my definition of a “fat.”
FAT: noun: someone who is obese because of their own behaviors and blames everyone but themselves for their fat assness and chooses not to do anything about it.
Let me explain something to you people: FAT ASS is not a disease. There is no known pathogen, that when acquired, forces you to eat twinkies until you vomit. And don’t even try to play the “it’s a metabolism issue,” or, “I have a hormone imbalance.” Uh, right. Studies have routinely shown that eating healthy and a little exercise can and will increase metabolism. And sure, some people can have a hormone imbalance, usually associated with the thyroid gland. But, let me tell you something. Hormones don’t make you eat chocolate bars and cake.
According to one study published in 2005, 58 million Americans are overweight (20 lbs more than what they should be) and of those 40 million are obese (BMI over 30) and 3 million are morbidly obese (over 100 lbs above ideal weight). Of course, these numbers are dated. Another study came out stating that 62% of adults and 34% of kids are overweight or obese. Allegedly, 80% report they do not engage in any sort of exercise. SHOCKER!
Instead of getting on a healthy diet and doing a little exercise (um, can you say WALK), many of these people are turning to the cheaters method. They are doing some sort of bariatric surgery (lap band, bypass, etc). They complain that they’ve tried the diets. Or, no matter what they do they can’t lose the weight. Well, my friends…have you ever seen the Biggest Loser? Those people are literally sweating their asses off. If you want to lose weight you have to burn calories. That means that you will have to turn off the TV, put down that bucket of ice cream, wedge those butterball toes into some shoes and MOVE! It will likely mean you will have to sweat. Oh no. The humility.
I understand the science behind the surgeries, but it sickens me that insurance companies will pay anywhere from 50 to 100% of this very expensive procedure. It can cost from $20-50,000. No wonder why insurance companies keep raising their prices and Obama is trying to do his stupid health care program. At over 500,000 surgeries per, this is BIG business, no pun intended. Not only that, but there is only a 75% success rate, with about 30% getting to normal weight. Ya might as well pound a prostitute without protection. The odds of you not getting an STD are greater and it’s cheaper.
This is cheating: not only the system but their bodies. And it also sends of horrible message to their children, if they actually bred. “You don’t have to do anything. Use the easy way out.” Instead of putting in the hard work to make themselves healthy, these people are milking the system to get thin quick. Oh, and don’t even get me started with the numerous health risks that come about from these procedures. Last time I checked, healthy eating and a bit of exercise didn’t cause vitamin deficiencies, diarrhea, abdominal leakage, bone disease or anemia. There is a 1% fatality rate as well. One doctor even came out to say that he believed a placebo procedure would work just as well without the horrific cost. For those of you who don’t know what a placebo is, lemme explain. It is essentially when you take a sugar pill instead of a real pill. Or you think you had the procedure but you really didn’t. It is very mind over matter and often times the placebo has a decent effect.
According to the CDC, in 2009 the estimated medical cost of obesity was $147 billion annually. This is a HUGE financial burden to our great country, all because people choose to eat and eat and eat.
But I have a solution to all of this. A decent pair of tennis shoes will cost about $50. Instead of allowing the orbs of adipose to cheat in an attempt to get pseudo healthy, let’s give all these tubs of chunks some shoes so they can start walking. Walking is free and can be done anywhere, except for water, which at this point the rolly pollies can remove their shoes and swim. That way, these fats can get healthy the right way and stop being a burden to my tax dollars.