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09 April 2012
Posted in
Opinion
People often ask me, “Morbid, if you were going to invest, what do you think would be the best option for someone with little income or collateral?”
I look them dead in the eyes and tell them, “Have children.” If this seems like an odd idea to you, you are surely one of those intellectual-elitist-liberal-treehugger types who feel that people are humans and not objects. “Waah, they have feelings. Waah, they can think and breathe and love,” that’s what you sound like. Well, you’re an idiot and I’m here to tell you that your misguided views are not only unwarranted but fallacious when you look at the best method of wealth-building humanly possible:
Make babies. Lots of them.
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21 March 2012
Posted in
News
I watched the "Invisible Children" film with some family and saw, in awe, as everyone else in the room was inspired to be involved in the movement against Uganda's Joseph Kony. After doing a little research, I have come to the only conclusion that can truly be made about the Invisible Children organization: it's an amazing marketing technique developed to pique the interest of people worldwide in an effort to maximize their company's revenue.
The first and only clue you need to come to this conclusion as well? If you go to the Invisible Children shop and look at the description of the Kony 2012 action kit, the first sentence is, "People will think you’re an advocate of awesome."
Now, if being an "advocate of awesome" is all it took to change the world, my presence alone would end all suffering among humankind. However, sadly, me (or you) being awesome has absolutely no influence whatsoever on what happens to the poor children in Uganda.
Donate to UNICEF if you really want to make an immediate impact... Oh, wait, you don't get anything telling others how awesome you are. Fuck it. I give up.
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24 September 2011
Posted in
Opinion
Everywhere we turn, we are constantly being bombarded with a terribly biased opinion. From commercials to the packs of cigarettes themselves, we are being told that smoking is a plethora of horrendous and life-ceasing compound adjectives. Due to this artificial and unfounded public outcry against smoking, I present to you the truth on why you should keep smoking.
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12 August 2011
Posted in
Miscellaneous
Commercials, news reports and our hyper liberal friends all tell us that the kids in Somalia need assistance, immediately. That is ridiculous. Why should we go out of our way to spend $5 on some kids who, obviously, don't deserve our money?
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26 February 2011
Posted in
News
Republicans in the House on Friday announced they will no longer entertain any further amendments to healthcare after discovering an alternative that can be entirely cost free to taxpayers; binaural beats.
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28 September 2010
Posted in
Entertainment & Gaming
A 9.5 rating from IGN.com for any video game is pretty spectacular, that's what makes my decision so difficult to stick to. Even my wife keeps hinting at the fact that I should go out and pick up Halo: Reach for myself.
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02 September 2010
Posted in
Miscellaneous
Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
The Time Machine - H.G. Wells
As I find more books legitimately within the public domain, I will expand this list.
Also, if you think of any public domain books that you would like to see added to this list, just post them in the comments.
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27 August 2010
Posted in
Entertainment & Gaming
In an apparent attempt to ruin every aspect of my life, Blizzard released Starcraft 2 on July 27th, 2010. Considering the game has targeted and affected me, and me alone, there can only be one logical conclusion: Blizzard developed Starcraft 2 for the destruction of my personal life and emotional well being. Anyone that thinks differently is highly confused and obviously has a severe logic deficiency.
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21 August 2010
Posted in
News
I am wearing my angry face. Every week I make sure to swing by the CNN website to read up on current events. I peruse through health, tech, world events and spend a decent amount of time on the justice link. And I am really starting to see an annoying pattern of child abuse and neglect.
Take for example this ridiculous couple: James and Anna Cardona from Georgia. Police were responding to a domestic dispute call and found two young girls at their house. The 5 year old had rotting teeth, was covered in spider bites, weighed 160 pounds and could not walk 10 feet without being winded. The 4 year old was in a soiled diaper, covered in bites and weighed 89 pounds. Both were filthy. The oldest was not enrolled in school. The youngest was still drinking from a bottle.
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